A few of the anecdotal“how’s” of institutionalized sexism

A well-meaning VC recently asked me if I thought there “really is a diversity problem” in the VC and valley startup/ tech community. He asked if there is a problem, why it wasn’t pretty easy to “just fix?” I took a breath realizing it was an honest ask, and an opportunity for me to try to meet him “where he lives” and to explain another perspective.

So, I asked him, are you regularly in rooms full of 80–90% women? Where the only other men are either the vendors or the support staff?

Ever read a document and noticed that they were describing women; “she” throughout the document? Ever been asked to participate in a very gender-specific work “bonding” or social activity that was decidedly *not* something most men would ever even consider doing? Ever been at a sporting event for work, or networking at a professional event where there were scantily clad men all around, either serving drinks, cheering, or providing the half time entertainment?

Less subtle: Have you ever been in the lobby for a business meeting, and a man came out to ‘show you to the board room,’ and looked around, surprised that it was you to see his CEO/ EVP/ GP?

Has anyone asked you, ever, at any stage in your professional career if you could modify the way you look? The way you dress? The way you present yourself in a business setting? Mentioned it might be “distracting?” If not, have you been told in a professional review that you are succeeding in all performance metrics but are “too aggressive” or “too serious,” or should “smile more?”

Has anyone asked you to lunch, dinner, breakfast, and then made an overt or a subtle pass at you?

Have you been asked relatively regularly, as you’ve had some success in your career; how you do it? “How do you balance a career (gasp) and being a dad?”

I suggested that he ask the working women in his life if they’ve experienced any of the above, and he’d likely get more information that he might find illuminating. As these are anecdotal stories and not the entire story of deeply entrenched institutionalized sexism…..It's not a quick fix, but there is a fix and it starts with continuing to recognize that it’s there; shedding light on it, and refusing to “grin and bear it.”